"...'Cause I've got a chance for a sweet, sane life..."
Today is of those days where "my heart swings" it didn't start like that, I swear! Now I have tools and methods, my own Heimlich* maneuver if you will.
The song's title is a play on the Heimlich Maneuver and an allusion to the book White Noise by Don DeLillo.
The wave and then the weight, it comes out of nowhere. For example, just a thought or memory of my Dad and I can just start weeping. I know I am hormonal (thanks, menstrual cycle..turning 40 etc.) but honestly, this is just an emotion that hits my heart randomly without warning. I do a much better job these days; after lots of CBT, prescriptions and self-medicating, to know not to go down the 'rabbit hole of sadness' but there are some moments when that space seems so familiar that I just want to crawl in it and stay there forever.
...I AM THE LION, I DO NOT FIT IN THE RABBIT HOLE ANYMORE...
These feelings can hit anyone, grief isn't the only trigger but it sure is mine. I've lost some pillars in my life aside from my Dad; my Canadian grandparents, Aunt Bertha and too many friends and missed opportunities for better relationships - with family and lovers - but it is what it is. I know lots of other people feel the void in their chest and man, that sort of distress can be exhausting.
This is not a call for help, nor do I have time to take on anyone else's issues these days. Finding inner strength and nurturing acceptance are my key resources...understanding how I can influence my own space is vital, I suggest everyone to do the same.
"...Well I've got a plan with forward in my eyes..."